Me (a spoken word piece)

I’ve been single all my life

I’ve spent hours laughing at couples

Battle over television volume

And toilet seats

I may be

Sparkling

Divine

And Fabulous

But I

Am not

A stiletto heel

So why do I need a mate?

I am not one of a pair

I am the queen of the remote control

The ruler of my own domain

I won’t be a June Cleaver throwback

A bay maker

I am a first date

Rarely a second

Never a third

I throw towels ove the perpetually blinking message liht

On my answering machine

My cell phone

My schedule

My life

Everyone

Even You

Can Wait

I’m that make or break opportunity

To test your charm

Our chemistry

From your skills at dinner table banter

To the goodbye kiss

I merely pick out the perfect shoes

And craft witty comebacks to your attempts at jokes

With me

You can’t screw-up proof your initial encounter

Because your Bert-size uni-brow

IS a big deal

And NO you aren’t worthy

To hell with playing shy coquette

Unless you are that exquisite piece of jewelry

Holly Golightly spent hours ogling over at Breakfast

You are no Adonis to me

Because only diamonds are forever

Sapphires and rubies don’t even cut the glass

So I will continue to hoard the soap-opera sex scenarios

I conjure up in my mind

Because even if your vocab is volcanic

I have sex-ray vision

And will not

Be disappointed

By you electrician types

Who still couldn’t find my favorite spot

If you installed an 1000-watt bulb

Under its little hood